Reflections on 30
30 is rather momentous milestone birthday. So momentous it’s taken me 4 months to ponder and finish this post.
It's 3 decades of life.
It's turning 10 three times. (oh to be 10 again!)
It's turning 15 twice. (which does not sound fun; I can't imagine having to be a teenager again.)
It's how long the Thirty Years' War endured (1618-1648).
It's the age my parents were when they started dating.
It's the age when I can finally run for/become a US senator if I wanted to.
It's the age that Jesus was when He started His ministry.
It’s been a little life-changing to be 30. Scratch that: I realize how much my life has changed, how much I have changed, in the past few years leading up to 30. I am different at 30: the Birthday didn’t change me, but so much has.
At 30 I am thinking and mulling over things that mattered very little to me at 21, 25, 28. At 21 I was learning that it was okay to have my own tastes, to shop for my own clothes, to drink alcohol for the first time, to be a girl unapologetically in the safe shelter of UCLA. At 25, I was learning about independence, adventuring and courage, boldness and some confidence in the beautiful streets of Hong Kong and great expanses of Swaziland and South Africa. At 28, I was learning about waiting, being content, professionalism and licensure, faithfulness in small things as a new clinician at work.
But at 30, I’m thinking about influence. I’m gaining wisdom that none of my younger selves had. I am learning that what adults told me at 21 were true and that 21-year-olds need to go on their own journey to reach the same conclusions. I am realizing that time is both urgent and relative and things that seem like they were going to pass me by are still here, and other things I thought would still be here are now missed opportunities. At 30 I am thinking about mentorship and seeing others develop (although that has always been a part of what makes me passionate), about transformation and leadership and advocacy. At 25 I shuddered to think about being in a position of power and influence, wanting to shrink from all that work and responsibility. But at 30 it is not enough to care; it also matters that others care. I’m thinking about significance and the rest of my life. I am entering the last stages of “youth” and I’m coming into my own.
My co-workers have recently been teasing and affirming that they enjoy “30-year-old” Yi-Ki. I think it’s the mixture of confidence and life experience. I am more comfortable with my own voice, though I’m still wobbling on the tightrope between assertiveness and brashness, wisdom and impulsivity. I am saying “no” more to what I’m not called to, and saying “yes” to things I am nervous about but also secretly thrilled. I am taking more responsibility and more initiative, and learning to draw and set boundaries. I am getting familiar with this refined and ever-evolving me. I am also realizing that 30-year-old Yi-Ki has some very nice friends surrounding her, which is a great blessing indeed.
I want 30 to be a year of continuing to fall in love with Jesus and increasing obedience as I surrender and submit this life. Maybe a waste to some, but not to Him. I hope 30 is a year of walking with the Spirit and learning wisdom, to see and discern things from Kingdom Perspective. I hope I do not waste this precious year, this precious life.
Cheers to 30!
It's 3 decades of life.
It's turning 10 three times. (oh to be 10 again!)
It's turning 15 twice. (which does not sound fun; I can't imagine having to be a teenager again.)
It's how long the Thirty Years' War endured (1618-1648).
It's the age my parents were when they started dating.
It's the age when I can finally run for/become a US senator if I wanted to.
It's the age that Jesus was when He started His ministry.
It’s been a little life-changing to be 30. Scratch that: I realize how much my life has changed, how much I have changed, in the past few years leading up to 30. I am different at 30: the Birthday didn’t change me, but so much has.
At 30 I am thinking and mulling over things that mattered very little to me at 21, 25, 28. At 21 I was learning that it was okay to have my own tastes, to shop for my own clothes, to drink alcohol for the first time, to be a girl unapologetically in the safe shelter of UCLA. At 25, I was learning about independence, adventuring and courage, boldness and some confidence in the beautiful streets of Hong Kong and great expanses of Swaziland and South Africa. At 28, I was learning about waiting, being content, professionalism and licensure, faithfulness in small things as a new clinician at work.
But at 30, I’m thinking about influence. I’m gaining wisdom that none of my younger selves had. I am learning that what adults told me at 21 were true and that 21-year-olds need to go on their own journey to reach the same conclusions. I am realizing that time is both urgent and relative and things that seem like they were going to pass me by are still here, and other things I thought would still be here are now missed opportunities. At 30 I am thinking about mentorship and seeing others develop (although that has always been a part of what makes me passionate), about transformation and leadership and advocacy. At 25 I shuddered to think about being in a position of power and influence, wanting to shrink from all that work and responsibility. But at 30 it is not enough to care; it also matters that others care. I’m thinking about significance and the rest of my life. I am entering the last stages of “youth” and I’m coming into my own.
My co-workers have recently been teasing and affirming that they enjoy “30-year-old” Yi-Ki. I think it’s the mixture of confidence and life experience. I am more comfortable with my own voice, though I’m still wobbling on the tightrope between assertiveness and brashness, wisdom and impulsivity. I am saying “no” more to what I’m not called to, and saying “yes” to things I am nervous about but also secretly thrilled. I am taking more responsibility and more initiative, and learning to draw and set boundaries. I am getting familiar with this refined and ever-evolving me. I am also realizing that 30-year-old Yi-Ki has some very nice friends surrounding her, which is a great blessing indeed.
I want 30 to be a year of continuing to fall in love with Jesus and increasing obedience as I surrender and submit this life. Maybe a waste to some, but not to Him. I hope 30 is a year of walking with the Spirit and learning wisdom, to see and discern things from Kingdom Perspective. I hope I do not waste this precious year, this precious life.
Cheers to 30!
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