insight

during my third individual supervision session, my supervisor stops me in a middle of my rambling about a particular client and says, "I have a feeling that you struggle with navigating ambiguous spaces...what do you think?"

i stop, dumbfounded.  seriously, my supervisor has people-reading mojo.  This is one of the best, precise, apt insights into my character that i've received in a long while.  this difficulty in "navigating ambiguous spaces" is what leads to both awkward silences and sudden word vomits, why i hate small talk, why i have difficulty getting together "just to catch up," why i simultaneously will try way too hard and not at all.

part of me wants to feel hurt, because i'm embarrassed i haven't mastered the art of ambiguous space navigation, because while i have a pretty steady and realistic view of myself, there are times i wish so badly i were this idealized, awesome version of myself that i try to convince myself that i'm a much grander version of me, and because who wants to be told, albeit politely, that i need to stop rambling and just focus?

at the same time, she's so kind about this, sees right into this insecurity that i have spent years trying to clothe myself in and then shedding, and gosh, she just gets me.  and isn't it nice that i now have one more insight into myself than i did the day before?